When The World Gets Loud
by common courtesy
Summary: Fang never thought he was depressed, maybe just a little sad. When he started hearing the voice he didn't think he was crazy, just a little lonely. And when he accidently almost kills himself, he doesn't think he needs help. AH
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I do not own Maximum Ride or anything else .**

**Fang**

_I'm running and I don't know what from. I know that if it catches me I will die, so I keep running. The problem is I'm running to slow and there is nowhere to go. I am running through a gray hallway, there are no turns or doors, just a light at the end of the hallway. That is where I need to go. I am so slow, my enemy is so fast. I can feel it, whatever it is, breathing down my back as I run. I have been running for so long and I have not gotten any closer to the end. I am tired, maybe it would be okay to take a small break. I falter for a moment, but it is a moment long enough for the monster to curl a whithered hand around my elbow and pull me close. "Hello," it coos, and then it picks me up as easily as if I were a ragdoll, and drops me delicately into it's mouth. I have a moment to think, wow, being eaten by a monster sucks, before everything goes black._

When I wake up my thoughts are flood through my mind all at once without focus.

_Have to run._

_Can't breathe._

_It was just a dream._

_Breathe._

_You're awake now._

"_Sleep,__"_The voice whispers softly. I comply, or atleast I try to. I close my eyes and try to slow my breaths. "_Sleep, sleep, sleep, sleep,_" the voice hums.

"I'm trying," I hiss as I roll onto my side. Sometimes I wish the voice would just leave, but it wont. I know this. The voice hasn't left since the moment it had first settled in my head.

I open my eyes and my alarm clock is there blinking the time at me. 8:45AM. Something tugs in my mind, a strong feeling that there is something I should be doing. "_Sleep_," the voice insists, I sigh.

I can't figure it out, why the voice has so much control over me. I don't even know why the voice is here . It wasn't as if I'd woken up one day and boom! I'm hearing things. No, it had started small, nothing but a small "what if" in the back of my mind when I was trying to do something. Then slowly it grew, it grew until it had wrapped itself tightly around my head , until it seemed that the voice was it's own being. Now it is always there, whispering to me almost nonstop and making my mind a very loud place.

I'm debating whether I should get up or let the voice win when there is a knock at my bedroom door._ That settles it, _I think as I push my covers away, stand up, and move to unlock my door. I'm not supposed to lock my door, as it worries mom, but I feel a whole lot safer when I do.

"Angel," I say, as the door swings open to reveal a little girl with curly blonde hair and wide blue eyes.

"Good morning, Fang." My little sister replies cheerfully and smiles up at me.

"Hmm" I say in response as I catch sight of something, I crouch down so that I am at eye level with the four year old. Angel narrows her eyes at me, "What?"

"Hm," I say again, and scratch my head for effect. Angel, who has always been a curious child, looks like she is about to explode from the meer feeling of not knowing what her brother is "hm-ing" about. "Are you missing a tooth?" I ask, deciding it best to let her off the hook.

Angel smiles again, showing off a white toothed grin that is in fact missing a front tooth. "Uh huh," she nods, and her curls bob around her face, "I lost it earlier today. Mom says if I put it under my pillow the tooth fairy will come and leave money." She tells me in a matter- of- fact tone.

"She will," I agree.

Angel smiles again, and then her expression turns serious. "Max, is here," she explains, "She's waiting for you downstairs."

_Thats it! _I think, that's what I'm supposed to be doing. Breakfast with Max.

"You forgot, didn't you?" Angel accuses. Sometimes it's as if the kid can read minds, the way she catches on to things so fast.

I nod, there's no use in lying to Angel, she is the equivalent of a lie detector. "You forget everything," she tells me.

"I do not," I state firmly. Sure my memory isn't exactly photographic, but I definitely do not forget everything.

Angel just shrugs and shakes her head, seemingly not in the mood to argue, "I'll go tell, Max, that you'll be down soon." She turns and skips off down the hallway leaving me to get ready. I turn around and I can barely supress a groan of frustration as I face the catastrophe that is my room. I don't understand how it got so messy, as all I do in my room is sit on my bed with my laptop. Yet, there are clothes strewn across the floor and a variety of wrappers peeking out from under them. I really have to get around to cleaning it.

I pick my way through the mess until I've found a black sweater that I can probably pass as clean, and my favorite pair of jeans. After I'm dressed I debate brushing my hair, but the debate is brief as the voice reminds me that I am already keeping Max waiting. "Alright, alright," I grumble and exit my room, closing the door behind me.

I find Max sitting at the kitchen table, staring intensely at my little brother, Gazzy, who sits across the table from her. Gazzy is leaning over the table and squinting at Max. Neither of the two aknowledge me, instead I'm greeted by Angel tugging at the sleeve of my sweater. "It's a staring contest," Angel explains.

The staring contest lasts for maybe 10 seconds before Gazzy blinks his blue eyes at Max." Dang it," Gazzy cries, and lowers his head in defeat.

"Ha!" Max responds triumphantly. "Hey, Fang."

I wave at her, "Sorry for the wait."

Max shakes her head,"It's fine, gave me time beat, Gazzy, 3 times." At that comment Gazzy jumps up in his seat and bangs a fist against the table, "You only beat me three times because you cheated the first time!"

Max snorts, stands up, and gives a little shrug like so? "You didn't specify any rules."

Gazzy scoffs, and sits back down in his chair, folding his arms and muttering an insult that only a fellow six year old could take offense to.

"Uh," I start, not sure if I should be interrupting the situation, "Are you ready to go, Max?"

Max nods and starts to walk towards the door. I'm thinking we're going to get away without trouble when Angel calls out, "Can we come?"

"Nah, He won't let us go. He wants to be alone with, Max, because he likes her." Gazzy interjects cheerfully. Angel giggles and nods like Gazzy's statement makes all the sense in the world.

Max doesn't miss a beat, she's used to Gazzy and Angel's teasing on this matter. "Of course he likes me! I mean, have you met me? I'm pretty damn fabulous." Gazzy scowls at her, not used to having his jokes thrown back at him.

I, however, can't even defend myself from their teasing because, well, I do infact have a crush on Max. Infact, this is my second crush on Max. Granted, my first crush on her had bloomed when we where 13 and had been more of a realization that, holy crap! Max has boobs! That crush had lasted about a month as I came to realize that a whole lot of girls had boobs. This second crush, was more of a real crush. Or atleast I think so.

It seems though that Max doesn't return these feelings and why would she? As the voice is always reminding me, she is way out of my league.

"Right, well let's go," I urge, wanting to get out of there as fast as possible.

"Coffee!" Max shouts an hour later as she holds her Starbucks cup out lion king style, "Beautiful coffee." She brings the cup to her lips and takes a large gulp.

We'd finished eating our breakfasts at a local cafe, and then Max had suggested Starbucks. Now we're walking around the town without a goal in mind. It is something we do often as Max claims that she enjoys the concept of freedom it brings.

I frown at her, "You know, maybe if you didn't drink so much of that stuff you wouldn't be so jittery in class."

Max laughs and slaps her mouth over her mouth as if to prevent coffee from spewing out."Did you just say jittery?"

My frown grows and I can feel my forhead wrinkle, this always happens when I'm with Max. I always say something stupid and end up feeling embarrassed. Max elbows me to let me know she's just joking around with me."Besides, Coffee does not make me jittery, it makes me warm," Then she shivers and takes another sip of her coffee as if to punctuate her point.

I shrug, seeing no reason to disagree. It _is _cold, especially at this time of year with winter just around the corner.

"Wanna go to the beach?" Max asks.

"We can't swim. To cold."

"So? We can throw rocks at it or something," Max shrugs.

I nod, it isn't like we had anything else to do anyways. The beach isn't really a beach, it is, by definition, a lake. Max had just decided that calling it a lake was just unfair. "The lake can be a beach if it wants," she'd decided when they'd first found it, and so to us it is a beach.

"So I've been thinking about, you know, the future," Max says casually as we sit on the bank of the "beach". I resist the urge to wince, I absolutely hate thinking about the future. It's like this big black whole on the outskirts of my mind that I really did not want to venture into."And well, I think I've figured out what I'm going to do, after highschool and stuff."

"Really? We're only 16."

Max laughs, it's a nice sound. Not like wind chimes or any of that other stuff books like to compare laughs to, it's just a nice laugh."Right, I know that. It's just, I don't want to get to my last year of highschool and be like, what the hell do I do next? Then I'll spend the time that I could be working towards an actual goal just being completely lost" She smirks and pokes me in the ribs, "From the sound of it that's where you're heading."

Max's remark shouldn't bother me. It was a joke. I should just brush it off and forget about it. It shouldn't bother me, but it does."_Why, Fang? Why don__'__t you have this figured out?__"_the voice asks,"_Max is right, you__'__re not going to be anything.__"_I try to ignore it, try to listen to whatever Max is trying to tell me now, but I can't. My stomach is churning and my thoughts are floating around my head, one after the other. The voice is relentless, screaming that I need to leave, need to figure out my future. "Shutup," I hiss. I don't realize I've said it outloud until Max gives me a look that is a mix of hurt and confusion and says, "Oh, okay. Sorry."

I smack my hand against my forhead, "No, not you."

"Are you okay?" Her confused look has turned to one of concern.

I sigh and nod, "Yeah, fine." I look over at the water and the urge hits me. Swimming makes me feel calm, why not swim? I take off my coat and set it down beside Max, shivering slightly as the cold air goes straight through my sweater. "I'll be right back," I tell her, and stand up.

"What are you doing?" She asks, "Fang, what's wrong?" She lets her feelings of worry creep into her voice.

"I'm just going in the water," I murmur. She may have said something like "wow, Fang, you're nuts the water is freezing," but I'm not listening anymore. All I hear is the voice.

I kick my shoes off and step into the water. The cold cuts into my legs and I continue to walk into the water until it is up to my waist. I am freezing and I love it. For a moment the voice is quiet, like it is in shock from the sudden cold. I wrap my arms around myself and my teeth chatter as the chill seeps into my body. I don't care though, I can think in this cold. I can hear Max yelling at me to come back, and I still don't care. Before I know what I'm doing I'm dipping my head under the water. Max's voice is gone, my voice is gone, it is so quiet under here. I go back up for air and find myself gasping, my ears feel like they are going to freeze right off and my head is starting to ache. I disregard this, craving the peacefulness being under the water had brought, I go back under. I stay there longer this time, even when my lungs start begging for air I stay under. I'm not cold anymore, there is a strange warmth flowing through me and it feels so good. My vision starts to blur and I'm thinking maybe I should just take a nap when something grabs my shoulder and tugs me up. My ears are ringing now, my head is pounding, my lungs are frozen, and I am so tired. The voice isn't there though, and that is all that matters. I barely register Max pulling me to shore whispering "Shit, Fang, what are you doing?" through chattering teeth.

I want to tell her about the voice, how the cold made it go quiet, but my body feels heavy and I just want to sleep. I am awake long enough to see Max dig her cellphone out of her coat pocket, and then I can't keep my eyes open any longer. I sleep.

**An: I was just writing random stuff and this happened and I kind of liked it and kind of want to continue with it.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything.**

I wake up, and for a moment I've forgotten. For one moment I am just Fang and there is nothing else and it is bliss. Then it comes back. 4 months ago nearly drowning in the lake, hypothermia, waking up in the hospital, so many faces, so many voices. "_We were so worried about you__"__. _Much to loud. Now? Now I am here, back in my bed, perfectly safe. Completely alive. Therapy session in 2 hours. Yes, therapy. I had narrowly avoided staying in the phsych ward of the hospital for a week. I shudder, remembering, mom's face, _"__Why did you do it_? _Why did you try to kill yourself?__"_ Me then, panicking, yelling that I wasn't trying to kill myself, I was trying to drown the voice. Then they sent me off to visit Dr. Lafraugh who suggested that even though I hadn't been trying to kill myself, it would be best if I started seeing someone. So mom made arrangements, therapy with Dr. Martin, every Monday and Friday. The first session hadn't been so bad, had simply asked over and over in different ways how I felt. The more sessions I went to the more Dr. Martin pried. It took her a month to come up with the diagnoses, depression. She told me it is not my fault, it is a chemical imbalance, "We can help you manage it," she decided. So medication was perscribed and I was ordered to keep seeing her. Now, here I am. Perfectly safe, completely alive, and not so sure that I am entirely happy about it.

* * *

Mom drives me to Dr. Martins office which is about 30 minutes away. This leavesplenty of time for us to talk. "I'll be home tonight," says mom, "I have a thing." By thing she means a meeting with a group of fellow feminists in which they listen to empowering women music and think of ways to defend their rights. Mom has been through one bad breakup and on bad divorce. The breakup was my fault, mom was young when she got pregnant with me and her boyfriend ran away at the first sign of pregnancy. She got married to a guy named Daniel, and that is when Angel and Gazzy came to be. They divorced shortly after Angels birth for reasons I don't really understand. Now mom is completely anti-men.

"Daphne is coming over to babysit, Gazzy, and, Angel," mom continues, "And Valencia has invited you over to her house for the night." Valencia is Max's mom. I don't fail to notice how she's said that it was Valencia and not Max who's invited me over. Max and I have had a rocky relationship ever since the accident. Max wants me to talk to her, wants me to trust her and let her help me. She doesn't understand there is nothing she can do, and it makes her angry, which, in turn, makes me angry.

"Well, we're here," mom announces as she parks the car. "Here" is a small garage sized building, office. Before I have the chance to do anything, mom is getting out of the car and walking around to open my door for me. I blink slowly, "Thanks." This, is just another side effect of the accident. Mom has started treating me like a child, like I am not capable of handling myself.

We head into the building and I start getting a twisting, nervous feeling that I get before every session. "Mom, I'm going to be sick."

Mom wrinkles her nose, "You're fine. It's just a small session today. Then we'll go out for breakfast and I'll drop you off at school in time for lunch." I'm trying to calm myself down, I really am. I can't walk in there on the verge of what calls a panic attack, otherwise the session may be extended.

Mom leads me to the room where the sessions take place. It is a comfy room with poofy chairs, dark curtains, and a fire place that didn't actually work. Dr. Martin had told me once that if she gives her clients a comfortable setting then the clients themselves would be more comfortable talking to her. I am not to sure that her theory checks out. I take my place in my chair and mom says she'll see me soon and then I am alone. I fidget, I rub my sweating hands on my pants, I try not to concentrate on the voice which is currently telling me about how crazy I must be. The door opens, and in steps , A small but demanding women.

"Hello, Fang," she greets and takes her seat. She sits up straight in her chair, as she always does, and doesn't comment on my slouching, as she never has.

"Hey," I reply.

"How are you today?" She asks, this is always the first question she asks. It lulls me into a false sense of security, makes me think that the session will be alright.

"Fine."

Then she gets straight to it," Look, I feel as though we shouldn't waste out time or your mother's money today." I flinch at the part about wasting my mothers money, which is ofcourse exactly what I'm doing. "Instead of tiptoeing around the problem I really do think we should talk about your friend," What? "The voice." Oh.

I shake my head, no, "It isn't my friend. I don't want to talk about."

"Fine," she she says calmly, "I can't force you to. If you won't talk I think it would be best to cut this session short. Please reconsider your choice, I will see you on Monday." She proceeds to get up and hold the door open for me.

I try very hard not to seem miffed as I walk out of the room, down the hall and to my mother who gives me a bewildered look."Let's go," I say, and we do.

* * *

Lunch time at school is a very tedious task. It consists of me sitting at a table in the middle of a crowded cafeteria with Max, Max's friend Nudge, and Iggy who, like Max, is a childhood friend. "Fuh- Aang, why are you so grumpy?" Iggy whines, after I deny him access to my french fries.

"He's always grumpy on Friday's," Max interjects, I glare at her.

"Nah, Iggy just shouldn't be trying to steal his food," Nudge offers helpfully. She hates conflict.

"Oh pish posh, Fang, here just needs to loosen up. He's getting all old and wrinkly at the mere age of 16." Now I am glaring at Iggy.

"We can't all spend our free time watching cartoons, Iggy."

Iggy scoffs, "Anime, Fang. It's call anime."

"Nuh-uh, you watch that one show that is totally a cartoon, and it's for children."

"Nudge!" Iggy gasps, looking genuinely offended, "Avatar is not a kids show. How dare you degrade it." I am sure he could've gone off on a full on rant, but he stops himself, "Anyways, back to, Fang, turning into an old man. Dude, you really do need to have some fun. There's a party tonight at, Sam's, and we're going."

Nudge squeals, Max glares, I try to look like the idea doesn't terrify me. A crowded house full of drunk people? That does not sound fun at all. "You are not," Max states.

"Yes, we are. Or atleast Iggy and I are," As much as the idea of a party scares me, the idea of denying Max is almost to tempting.

Max scowls and I am instantly satisfied with my decision, "Fine. Then I'm going with you," is what she says, but I know she really means "I am going to keep an eye on you."

Nudge is squealing some more and rambling on about what she's going to wear and how she just cannot wait to dress Max up. I'm not really listening, I am to busy hoping that I don't regret this choice.

* * *

I want to hide in a closet, or a hole. Whichever comes first. The party has not been a good idea. To many people, to many sounds, only one me. Iggy keeps patting me on the back insisting that I calm down and talk to people. There is no sign of Max or Nudge.

"Fang, man, relax. You like this song right?" Asks Iggy as a song that is nothing but computerized beats blares through the radio. "Not really."

Iggy sighs, "You're kind of just defeating the purpose in bringing you here. Sit," he points to a couch, "I'll be right back." So I sit, and Iggy disappears into the crowd. I am left to wonder how even though I am surrounded by people, I feel completely alone. This leads me into more thoughts about loneliness and life. I am not having fun.

Iggy returns quickly with two red cups in hand."Here," he holds a cup out to me, I take it and frown at the contents.

"Iggy, I don't drink."

Iggy shrugs, "Neither do I," He takes a gulp of his drink. "Tastes horrible. You'll like it," he assures me.

4, maybe 5, possibly 6 cups of beer later I am starting to understand why people like this stuff. I don't enjoy the taste, I enjoy how I feel. For lack of better words, warm and a little fuzzy. No longer scared of all the people. I'm starting to maybe have a little fun when I spot Max. She looks pretty. Not drop dead pretty, but just "wow" pretty.

"Max!" I shout when I see her. She looks around, trying to locate me. I go to her. "Max," I say again, " I miss you."

Max frowns, what did I do wrong? Why is Max always frowning? "Fang, are you drunk?"

"Mmm, I dunno." What does being drunk feel like?

"Oh, Fang, your mom is going to kill you."

Why does Max have to be such a spoilsport? "Shush. It was just a few."

Max looks very tired now, "What am I going to do with you?"

"We could dance."

"You hate dancing, Fang."

"_You_ hate dancing."

"Yes, yes I do."

I laugh. Max rolls her eyes, "Time to go home."

"Aw. Are we gonna drive?" I am sad, I really was just starting to enjoy the party."Fang, we can't drive. We're walking." I groan. "It's like a 10 minute walk from here to my house. Suck it up."

And so I do. We escape the party and we walk to Max's house in the middle of the night and talk about things like how Max wants to join the soccer team, and how I think Angel is getting a dog for her birthday. For those 10 minutes it feels like our friendship had never strayed. For the first time since the accident I have the smallest bit of hope that maybe things will be okay.

**AN I don****'****t like this chapter. I rewrote it a bunch of times and I can****'****t get it right. **

**Thank you for the reviews favorites and follows. It****'****s nice to know that what I wrote wasn****'****t completely horrible.**


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